How To Get A Boyfriend & or Girlfriend

So, if you saw my previous post, then you know how difficult it can be to get a boyfriend when your face goes like this every time you spot an attractive male:

Image (I love you Chester!)

So, to help all of you out, I’ve come up with a brilliant method on how to get boyfriends & or girlfriend. If you follow it, you should have men and women flocking to you with less than a week 😉

Step 1.

Locate your target.

Find that one male/female on campus (and or) work who you can’t keep your eyes off of.

Step 2. 

Initiate contact.

Now this step can be a bit difficult, especially when you don’t know how to. So I’m giving you a few suggestions as to how to do so:

Suggestion 1: You can pretend you’re not looking and walk straight into them. Should they have moved to the side moved to the side because they saw your ill attempt at human contact, simply make a sharp U-turn and walk into your target. Continue these U-turns until you are successful.

Suggestion 2: Get something really hot- well not scalding hot, but hot none the less. Walk up to this hot guy/woman and drop it on him/her. Of course one must make it look accidental. So make sure you say, “Oh excuse me, I have to drop something on you.” Then drop it, then you can say, “Excuse me.” It won’t work unless you say the first part mind you.

Suggestion 3: Go straight into it and ask them for their number. Believe me, men and women do not find this awkward. They won’t go running away screaming, “There’s a lunatic!” In fact, they will give actually give you their number without hesitation. If they do ask however why you want their number, be honest. There’s nothing women and men love more than honesty. So tell them the truth, you want their number because:

a. You want to stalk them

b. You’re madly and deeply in love with them

c. You mostly want to stalk them

Step 3.

Start watching their every move. 

I know you’re already doing this, but you’ve got to make it even more obvious now. What better way to do that than to sit next to them every chance you get? Or better yet, stand next to them every time you see them. You can do this at work, and claim you’re studying them to get better tips on how to deal with fellow colleagues. At school, you can say you’re trying to get last weeks notes (doesn’t matter if you have no classes together).

Step 4.

Start calling & messaging them.

Now you’re still doing step 3 mind you. But you have to add in Step 4 whilst doing the other steps. Make sure you call him at odd hours of the night and morning. Ask him or her if they’re coming to school or work today, and it it’s a Saturday or Sunday, ask them where they’re going to be. Now if he or she doesn’t answer your calls make sure to bombard them with text messages.

Texts like:

“I’m so glad we’re best friends now.”

“I’ love what you were wearing today. That blue really brought out the colours of your eyes.”

“Where are you going to be at 6pm tonight? I hope you’re not seeing that tramp again.”

“If I see you with that tramp one more time…”

You know, loving things like that.

Step 5.

Find a good hiding place and a new victim

So chances are, you’ve got a restraining order against you now and you’re probably wanted for questioning in reference to the disappearance of that tramps- I mean young lady/man’s dog. So you’re going to have to lay low for a while. People can be so fickle when it comes to things like this. So don’t worry- he/she just wasn’t the one and couldn’t handle all that love you have to give.

There’s honestly no point in being upset as you know deep down one day they’ll see things your way, but in the mean time- who was that attractive young thing that just walked past you with the gorgeous locks and tight jeans?

Don’t forget steps 1-5 people 😉

*Disclaimer alert: The above is complete rubbish, and if you do in fact follow these stops, no only will you never have a boyfriend, but you’ll more than likely be committed to an asylum for the mentally insane. 


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